1 Year Anniversary

Today is the 1-year-anniversary of the day Greg & I had our ultrasound with Caden. It is hard to believe how much has happened in the past year. It has me reflecting on all we have been through and where we are now.

I'm sure there are some of you who are newer to our blog and may not know Caden's whole story. At our 18-week ultrasound on August 21, 2008, multiple “issues” showed up on Caden. The tech was very quiet during the ultrasound and it did make us wonder. And, when we had to wait for almost an hour in the waiting room before seeing the doctor, again we wondered. When we finally saw her, she told us our baby's heart didn't have all four chambers and based on what they could see, it looked like he had neurological issues and probably Downs Syndrome or another chromosome disorder. She referred us to a perinatologist office for a higher level ultrasound. When we saw the doctor there, he basically told us there was no way our baby would survive outside the womb and we might as well terminate. He wanted us to do the amnio and then terminate.

The emotions a parent feels when they are told to end their precious child's life is something I can't put into words. It was the most painful thing I had ever been through. Well, as you all know, we did not choose to terminate the pregnancy. We don't believe that is our choice to make whether to end a child's life or not. And, especially when the amnio showed no chromosomal problems, we started to feel a glimmer of hope. As my pregnancy progressed, many of the things they had seen wrong with Caden went away and what he was left with seemed much more manageable: coarctation of the aorta (all four chambers were there), and diaphragmatic eventration with small right lung. So the doctors started talking about delivering at Stanford so he could have surgery. What a change from where we started! Not to say he still didn't have some serious issues, but comparatively, this was something they could help.

We picked a name soon after our ultrasound because it was important for us for our baby to have a name. And, the meaning of the name was very important as well. We settled on the name Caden Joshua because Caden means “fighter” and Joshua means “God rescues.” Both of these fit well. All we could do was put our faith in God and continue to pray for our little man.

It is amazing to think what we have been through in the last 12 months. In some ways it seems like a lifetime ago when we sat in our doctor's exam room listening to what she was telling us, and me crying my eyes out at the knowledge that I wouldn't be getting my perfect, healthy baby boy. But, it also feels like it was yesterday, as the feelings and emotions can come back to me in an instant and I am right back to that place, my heart heavy for my baby.

As a parent, you want your baby to be healthy and perfect. But for us, that wasn't meant to be (with either of our children). Regardless of their health issues, we are so incredibly blessed! Kyler is such an amazing three-year-old. He is incredibly bright and loves his baby brother. He shows no signs of jealousy for which we are grateful. And Caden is so amazing. He is mellow and sweet. His personality is developing more and more every day and it is amazing to watch. At our developmental appointment a week ago, they told us his cognitive abilities were well within normal range. A far cry from what we were told a year ago. Caden has lived up to his name: he is a fighter more than he, or any child, should have to be. This sinful world we live in terrible. But we know that regardless of how things go on this earth, we have eternal life to look forward to. Our faith in God is what has gotten us through to this point. We know our journey continues and isn't over yet. But we try to keep our eyes focused on heaven and we will get through.

Thank you all for your amazing love, support and prayers throughout this past year. We have drawn strength from those around us and are truly grateful. We don't know what the next year holds, but we are ready to find out. Thanks for joining us on this roller coaster ride we call our lives.