When I Became a Heart Mother

I found this blog (http://simmonsfamilyupdate.com/) from the Blenderized Diet list serve I belong to. It is another heart mom blogging about her son who was born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome. He is currently waiting for a heart transplant.

Her blog caught my attention because of her post on the blenderized diet she recently started her son on. I thought she did a wonderful job detailing the process of creating a healthy, nutritious blend for him. So, for those of you interested in having a better idea of what I do for Caden could read this and get more information.

Also, on her page, she has a poem, entitled "When I Became a Heart Mother" which really touched me. I am listing it here because I know there are many heart mamas out there who can truly relate to this! It puts my life into perspective. I was chosen to be Caden's mommy for a reason. He loves me like no other.

"When I Became a Heart Mother"
One day my world came crashing down,
I'll never be the same.
They told me that my child was sick
I thought, am I to blame?
I don't think I can handle this
I'm really not that strong
It seemed my heart was breaking
As, I'd loved him for so long.
I will not give up on this child
despite your best "advice"
I will give my child a chance
No matter what the price
And I will learn all that I need
to help my child to thrive.
I'll even use that feeding tube
My child will survive!
Will he require therapy?
What if he can't gain weight?
Alright God I can do this
I will not curse our fate.
The feeding pump beeps,(at 3:00 a.m.)
It serves as my reminder
How many parents would welcome that sound?
Tomorrow Lord, I will be kinder.
Another angel earns their wings
and I run to my sleeping child's bed
I watch him then, for quite awhile
(Bend down and kiss his head)
Then I cry for the parent's whose lives have been broken
And I look to God wondering why?
Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways
No matter how I try
And yet, I trust You hold his life
(and guide us through each day)
My mind says savor each moment he's here
But my heart whispers,"Please let him stay"
From pacing the surgical waiting room
to sitting by his hospital bed
From wishing for a good nights sleep
to learning every med
From wondering will he be alright
to watching him reach out his hands
with every smile, my heart just melts
despite life's harsh demands
For all who see that faded line
I look to them and smile
You see my child is loved so much
I would face any trial
That same scar I trace with my finger
It's the door to his beautiful heart
I never guessed how much I'd love him
Just as YOU loved him right from the start
A heart mom is always a heart mom
Now wise beyond her years
And for those who have angels in heaven
Our hearts share in all of your tears
Everyday I will strive to remember
You chose me for him and no other
And I will embrace that beautiful day
When I became a "heart mother".

~Stephanie Husted


Right now Caden is especially in love with me, his Mommy. I have to admit that I truly love it and savor it. As much as I love Kyler, he never went through a period where I was his most adored, favorite person. From the day he was born, he has been fiercely independent, outgoing, and fearless. He has been comfortable with anyone and everyone and loved everyone equally. I love that about him. But I never got to enjoy cuddles and snuggles with him. It's just not his personality.

With Caden, although he is not exactly "cuddly" (after all, we couldn't hold him much for the first 2 months of his life), he has definitely decided that Mommy is his FAVORITE person in the world. It makes my heart both happy and sad when he cries when I leave the room. It makes my heart swell with joy because I know how much I am adored. But it makes me sad to hear him cry for me. What an honor it is to be loved so wholly and unconditionally by my precious 15-month-old boy. He has changed my entire life in so many wonderful ways!