4 Years Old!

Caden turned 4 years old on January 9. It seems impossible to me that he is this old already. Because we are mentally preparing ourselves for him to have another heart surgery, his birthday reminds me even more of how far he has come over the last four years.

I am reliving the days leading up to his birth and the 56 days he spent in the hospital fighting to survive. I remember how well he did at birth and how surprised the doctors were that he was breathing well on his own and they didn't have to intubate him immediately. I remember receiving the official diagnosis of coarctation of the aorta which required surgery. I remember the twice daily (or more) chest x-rays. I remember living at the Ronald McDonald House for three months. I remember him spending two weeks in the NICU before his surgery. I remember the pain of watching the anesthesiologists wheel him into the operating room for surgery and not knowing if I would see him again. I remember seeing him after surgery with so many tubes and wires coming off of him, I could hardly even see my baby. I remember the phone call from the doctor telling me Caden coded and I needed to get back to his room immediately (I had only left his bedside to go eat lunch). I remember them leaving his chest open for three days after resuscitating him. I remember finally being able to hold him again after they were able to get him off the ventilator. I remember finding out his left vocal cord was paralyzed and learning he would have to have a g-tube placed. I remember him spending five weeks in the CVICU. I remember finally getting to move to the step-down unit to get ready to go home. I remember spending a week there. I remember discharge day and the immense joy we had at leaving the hospital. I also remember the anxiety and fear of bringing such a fragile baby home. I remember being overwhelmed at the amount of care he required. And, I remember as things got easier to manage with the g-tube. I remember starting all the early intervention therapies: physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, feeding therapy, warm water therapy. I remember seeing the progress he made every week thanks to the amazing therapists. And I also remember friends and family alongside us supporting us and lifting us up throughout the journey. We couldn't have done it without all of you!

Caden has come an incredibly long way from where he started. He is a living, breathing, walking miracle. My heart hurts so much knowing what he faces in the next few months. I wish I could take that pain away from him. I wish I could take his place. But that is not an option. However, I know there is a place where he will have no more pain and his heart will be made perfect and whole. That is what I hold onto.

For now, I try to remember the miracle he is. He is such a blessing in our lives and I know he has big things in store. He is such a fighter and he will continue to do so. A lot has happened over the last four years. But I have a feeling it is insignificant compared to what lies ahead. I don't know what it is but I can't wait to find out.

Happy birthday to my “big” 4-year-old! We love you so much, Caden, and are so happy you are part of our family.